I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
