We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
