ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I believe in your delicious
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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