i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
