bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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