I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
