last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
