i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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