is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
