as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
