CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
