she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
