It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
