Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
