Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
