Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
