Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
