I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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