The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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