Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
