I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
