Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
