please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
