In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
