i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
