why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
