I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
