Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
