I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
