I'm lost and stupid without you.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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