I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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