Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
