i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I could make wine with my vomit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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