I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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