remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
