my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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