I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
