I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
