totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
