i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
