I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
