Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
