things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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