Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
