We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
