Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
