i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
