What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
