At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
