I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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