I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
