I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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