my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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